New Banner

So i made a banner for a story called Bloodstains & Bitemarks

It is one of the few actual vamp stories that make my cut. My review will come later.

But here it is!

What the Fuck Is Up With These Stupid Ass Figurines?

Loooong blog post title…I know… But seriously, these twilight figurines gotta go. If you don't know which ones I'm talking about….Look below

 

Round 1: Twilight

You know you want that sexy ass face and those bowed legs. ADMIT IT!

 

And the fact that Bella isn't allowed to have her own box, she HAS to be with Edward ISN'T SEXIST AT ALL! *SARCASM* Plus they got the jacket down so well it creeps me out…(I have the jacket) and that I don't know…IT DOESN'T RESEMBLE HER AT ALL!

 

Round Two: New Moon

This one wasn't THAT bad but it still does not look like her, and WTF is she wearing? May I go burn It?

This Edward is better, his nose is still weird…and that god awful suit! But psssst they made 2 new moonwards check it out

Ya, well fail, where is my Sparklepyre?

Really? They get EVERY detail right BUTHERFACE! WHAT THE FUCK?

Okay, he is the third most important person in the series, and they GET HIM FUCKING PERFECTLY? What is the justice in that? I would rather have Robert Pattinson in all of his Mini E glory than this!!

 

Round 3: Eclipse

WHAT.THE.FUCK.

This doesn't even LOOK CLOSE TO HER! Plus it looks like she has a receeding hair line, AND WHEN DOES SHE WEAR THIS? I live in the Pacific North West too, and no way in HELL would I wear this! MAYBE on the hottest day of the year…MAYBE! Also the hair looks like shit…just like the movie

 

Not THAT bad. Yeah her face still looks slightly pained, but I LOVE the clothes….BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH HER ARMS? That's is what Tyra would call CLAW HANDS and NOT FEE-RCE!

 

Once again…Really? You get the 3^rd most important person in the series absolutely correct, when you can't even get the main characters right? Really?

The jacket can come off on this Edward…but still…FAIL. His face makes him look like he is 30 and masturbating.

 

What can I get you? Laxatives? Anything?

What Happens In Vegas Does NOT Stay In Vegas

What Happens In Vegas DOES NOT Stay In Vegas!



TwilightMommyof4girls has blown my mind! This is probably the best Emmett/Bella All Human fanfic i have read! Maybe even non AH. Because usually all starts out with Rose and Eddie doing that nasty, and Em and Bells walking in on them...BLAH BLAH BLAH! This story has a unique twist! My summary so far goes like this: Bella Swan is in serious need to get away from the medical books and dive into life. When her best gay friend Jake takes her to Vegas, she doesn't know what to expect. After one too many Screaming Orgasms, she meets him. Yes, him. No, not edward...Emmett. Too drunk to control her actions some hanky panky happens. And that's all she can remember. Until Jake points out something mysterious on her hand! A 50,000 dollar wedding band and ring set. Bella has now turned into a country song, getting married to a guy she only knows as Emmett, no last name. Great. Will Emmett NoLastName and Bella Swan ever meet up again? Click the link in the title too find out!

Okay, now onto the reviewing.

Pro's: Loved that Edward tried to get to her first and she didn't find him as attractive as emmett! Also loved Jake being gay! I wish he was real... Also loved the lemons. Because they weren't smutty, but they had the perfect amount of citrus.

Cons: literally one. And it's not even about her writing...I just didn't like how after about two sentances there would be a line break. Where are the paragraphs?

Final: All in All, this story was amazing. With the Drama of Grey's Anatomy, and the character's of twilight, you'll be sure to love this story!


Visit her on twitter!

Layout changing!

The layouts is changing!

I'm still gonna post all reviews on the main page but then when you go to the fanfic tabs there will be links linking to the reviews.

Okey!

Robert Pattinson...Owner of Body Freckles

So, when the first film pics of the Italy scene in new moon were coming out i was laughing my ass off. Why you might inquire? Because of half naked Robert.

See the dots covering his body? No? Take a closer look.



My friend screamed that he was a freckled brit, but I explained that they are markers to make him sparkle :] But now, after watching Remember Me one million and three times I discover, that rob is a freckled man. Yes, some in the above pictures ARE for markers, but some aren’t, like the two next to his nippie. Hehe.

PROOF!



I still love the mother fucking freckled brit.

So i've been really bored lately...

And that always leads to trouble...right?
Well, i've been doing lots of manips and such. I also found out how to put tattoos on people~! So here are just a few i have done!

This kinda reminds me of the eclipse insignia...in eye form....


CW&IA EDDY!


Then i also took the picture of Bella's CW tattoo, and put it on her....did you know how long that took? Erasing all the paper? 3 fucking hours...hh better appreciate it...


and a few others that i will post later!

Breaking the Silence

At 75 chapters and 463,003 words Breaking the Silence is a must! I absolutely loved this fic! Yeah, yeah no REAL lemons (until the end of course) but this story is super sweet! I really recommend checking it out!

LINKY!

AND BECAUSE I WAS BORED...
BANNER!

New fic rec!

Well first i'm gonna start posting the review/rec's on the main page, THEN putting them into sections!




Fighting For Love by Butterflybetty

I am seriously addicted to this fic. And whats really awesome is this fuck awesome woman updates every few days! Yeah, you heard me right, DAYS, not weeks, DAYS!
Anyhoo...on to reviewing
Her Summary: When Edward moves to Forks with his sister, Esme, he is immediately drawn to the mysterous Bella Cullen. Will he be able to break through her tough girl act? Will she let him? Usual pairings, AH, MA for language and possible lemons in later chapters.

My Summary: When Edward moves to forks to live with his sister Esme, all he wants to do is train. He doesn't care about the tramps, jocks, or even nerds for that matter, he just wants to box. He meets the jaded Bella Cullen, and soon discovers that her family owns the only legitimate boxing gym for miles. With dangers coming from Bella's past, and outside forces pulling on their realationship, can they make it work?

=LOVE=BOXERWARD=DROOL=NEW PANTIES!

Happy (belated) birthday Renesmee!

Geisha Bella

I was really bored, so i made hippie Bella...

Robert Pattinson has a TATTOO?

Just saw this pic on twitter, about him being wasted...and i have met a wasted rob...He so funny! But look on his fore arm! A TATTOO, my eyes instantly zoomed up on it! Cause i'm a sucker for tats, tattward, tattella...Whatever it is...if it has the word tat in it, i'm in!

Coital Bliss=Sleep

Okay, just saying if your under 18 and you are reading this blog, go to bed, it's past your bed-time.
It's 4 o'clock
FUCK YOU. Leave because i do not want to partake in corrupting your innocence.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have you ever noticed once you flick the bean, or if your a guy, Rub the Meat Stick. Right after you orgasm, you fall asleep?
Well that is for me!
No joke, if for a night i try out being an insomniac, and i can't get to sleep. I go get images from my spank bank, and rub one out! Instantly asleep!


Sorry, just had to put that out there!

Lesson 1

So i am very honored to be in Smut University, but some of you aren't so i wanted to bring the Smut Learning, to you! All of these lessons are being taken from SU. No copy right intended.

Lesson 1
When Life Gives You Lemons...This is what you don't do.
Originally posted by vasweetpea
#1-Don't break character- Unless your characters are big sluts you have most likely spent a few chapters devolping them as characters your readers love. A nerdy Edward virgin with a big heart who stutters is endearing. So the likelyhood of him saying "Bella (or Jasper if we're getting a little kinky here) i want you to slap me and call me your female dog while you fuck me" is slim. Stay true to your characters, that is what makes a lemon believeable. *this is a in most cases kind of thing. There are special cases which we will get to in a later class**

#2-BE REALISTIC- 99% of us have sex (and if your in the other one percent...gimme a call lol) It's just a fact. And that same 99% had a first time. Which brings us to another basic of smut writing. Be realistic. Most of us can not effectively write what we have no experience with. And that is ok. Remember what sex is like for you and use that when writing. Which brings us to...

#3-DO YOUR RESEARCH- I can not stress this enough people! If you are writing a scene about something in which you have no experience, RESEARCH! Writing an anal scene but never done anal?? RESEARCH! Hardcore bondage? RESEARCH! Have your facts start before you post lovlies!! Please 80% of bad smut out there is because the author took no time to research and just winged it.

#4 don't write for us. Write for you- Now this one is an overall writing don't but especially in smut writing. When i write i write to get the little demons out of my head that are screaming plotlines at me. I don't write for reviews or for favorites or recs or anyone. I know it feels great to be appreciated but the facts are if you don't feelcomfortable with what your writing it WILL show. If what makes you feel comfortable is writing fade to black scenes then please please PLEASE write a fade to black scenes. Don't write full out lemons because you feel that is what's popular. Remember we are a bunch of pervy h00rs!!! You give us a well written lime and well be steaming from the ears and running to our husbands! Focus on you and where you want the story to go. And if anyone has a problem with it give em a wave and yell"hi haters!!!"


Some of the other girls posted...
KristenLynn: Don't give a "protocol" for sex (ie: I did this, he did that).

Concentrate on emotions and feelings. Sex is about connection--and not just physical connection. We, as readers, want to be connected to what the characters are thinking and feeling, not just what they are doing.

Oliviamk218: don't like some of the descriptives that cheapen it. Sometimes it's necessary and can be hot, but only in the right context. I've read some sex scenes that were obviously written by someone with not much experience in it and it sounded like a horrible porn flick. To me, it's the LOVE that makes the sex hot...not the smut that makes the love happen.

Yes, sex can be sex, but don't have the characters say "I love you" and then have the descriptives like wild animals humping and vice versa, don't have romantic sex when the characters aren't in love.

As you have mentioned...it's all about realism




That's it for today!

Recap:
Don't Break Character
Be Realistic
Do Your Research
Write For You
Don't Give A Protocal
NO SKANKY WORDS! Unless, your characters are skanks...refer back to number 1

New Stuff!

100 Hours Review! It's in the All Human Section

I also finished the Angel of Irony and 100 Hours banners, they are in the gift section! Check them out!

Announcements

Well there is a new page, and a new review. The review is on the new page: All human!

I'm also going to make a banner as a gift for each story i review. So i'm going to make another page for that!

New review!

Go to the Non-Cannon page and there is a new review!